He

A-

It's a grumpy day, I can feel the negative funk inside me. When I get like this I hate everything. Right now I'm resenting the fact that I'm alone. I dont know whose fault this is, I suspect its my own. Always going somewhere to keep from having to sit still. Ieft home for experience, craved suck for honesty on my chest.

For one of my stories this week my editor has added a "HE" where there should not be a "HE", this indication of gender bugs me, becuase the sentence is ment to refear to all gods children, the HEs and the SHEs. Now I have to talk to him about this. Gender is fine, but changing my writing to suggest that I am only for the singular male HE pronoun will not stand.

Yesterday I escaped to Berkeley, Visted the UC Anthropology Museum. It was small but made me feel good becuase I knew where I was, I could argue with the Museum and unltimatly construct an arugment against its presentation of culture. From there I headed to area know as the Gourmet Ghetto for lunch, I had some pizza at the a place caled the Cheese Board Pizza Collective, it was very fancy pizza. From here I tried to find the Botanical gardens but ended up in the middle of the woods in the hills of Berkeley, Eventually i found a fire trail and headed back to my bike. Also Bought some more music, Hank Williams, Kinks, Todos Tus Muertos- I wasnt going to buy anything but than I did.

Tonight I'm going to meet one of X's friends for a couple of drinks in the city, should be fun. It will be nice to talk to someone other than my family- who are starting to regard me with suspicion me thinks.

I've started to think I want to go back to school or join the peace core, I suspect the thought will pass, but I need something to do here, this part time reporting job isnt helping me much. I like work, I want more of it.

would love to hear someone else thoughts on all this, cause I'm at a total loss, I feel tired of the la lucha, if the point is simpre la lucha im not sure I want anymore of it. Im tired of feeling alone and lonesome and never satisfied, im really sick of fighting people off to maintain some notion of autonomy. My entire family thinks im a anorgant, snobish, little twrep for the way I go on with everything, I think im running out of arguments agianst this. The funny thing is that even if I wanted to get in line don't think the line is taking anymore applicants at this time.
ah well, on I go
best,
Z