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My mind does not work very well today. No matter how much water you drink you still cant escape jaws of funk sometimes. I have to write my stories on the Piedmont Rowers today, Im doing this to try and warm up.

I woke this morning to my a cousin's yelling "I can tap dance" followed by what sounded like ten mins. of stomping on the hard wood floor. This went on for so long I started to think he was doing it on purpose so that I would get up- it was about 8:30, but I was the only one sleeping- so I got up. Both my cousins LL teams have advanced to the Campionships, I am happy for them. Yes I feel like I have too much family.

I want to drill a hole in my head right now to get all the stagnant liquid out. This is compounded by the early Sunday AM walk up call, the work I have to do, and the way the High Schools kids I interviewed yesterday made me feel about my own life. Having never meet people who row on crew, I didnt know what to expect: they are all going to Havard, or Penn, or on and on on and on, they all do this and that and are so very fucking rich. Now Im living in my Aunt and Uncles TV room, working for $12 an hour, to write stories on the little princes so that they can feel more like they are the rulers of the universe they will become. In all fairness they worked very hard though. Latley I am confronted here with the idea that their are no excuses for not being the most successful person in the world. Part of me thinks there is some truth to this-But when my Uncle talks about reading Derrik Jeter's biography and how he's come to reliaze that all you have to do to win is believe in yourself and work your ass off- I'm starting to think I'm in some strange Protestant hell. Top this off with the red Sox and I really start to feel like a big fucking loser.

I know that things will get beter for me, but I have to wonder what is it that seperates me from those High School kids (I dont think its just money), who will never doubt anything in their life, and will win everything that they touch.

back to the salt mines
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