black thursday

A-

The last three days were rough ones- Not just the loses- which were bad, but more reason to think my boss doesnt like me. One of the stories I wrote last week was not published. I have not been given a reason why- it was a story i was somewhat proud of too. I would like things between my boss and I to be better than they are right now, cuase if it gets bad then I cant use him for a reference. My little bird with feathers is having a hard time of it in this weather.

Last night it was all I could do to resist going out for many a drink. sometimes light breaks through in the strangest of ways. out of the blue a old friend of mine wrote me to ask for my address in order to write me real letters. This made me feel special, its good to feel special.

Right now I dont know whats to be done with this world, I still have trouble imagining a time when things will be better, this isnt just for me. I feel like most of my friends are living in a endurance situation - maybe its just the general age group and the burden that comes with- perhaps its our presidents fault.

I miss my dog Sadie and my bird George. I have to not think about this too much becuase their the two souls I cant explain to why I had to move to the other side fo the country. Perhaps this is silly, but it wears me down not to have them around me.

Is what ties us to the world are our relationships with other beings (something i picked up from DHL)? I tend to think so these days, maybe its not the things we make- im looking at you hegel/marx- but simply the how we maintain ourselves with the others.

I've had trouble sleeping lately and have become somewhat convinced that my room is haunted by the person who died in it last year. Ive always been terrified of ever seeing a ghost- It is one little kid fear I've never gotten over. I'm even imagining that she's reading this over my shoulder right now.

I think im going to go have a drink.

good night
z