Heart of Saturday night

A-

I keep meaning to say that the three little dots above our text remind me of the A's colors (green and yellow), I thought perhaps you had done this on purpose but on looking over some other blogs tonight I discovered these dots are everywhere.

So if your wondering this is in fact what im doing on a Saturday night. I went for a run around 6, then went out got a movie and some Chinese food. The movie I rented was a disaster, Gus Van Sant's Elephant, I cant believe this movie won awards- what a piece of shit- the movie is an artistic look at none other than The Columbine Shootings- it was so surreal. After the movie I did the work the guy at the post asked me to do this week.

Side Story: So the editor of the post, we'll call him GC, phoned me last night at 10:30pm first at my aunt and uncles number and then on my cell (which i answered). This really pissed me off because 1)it was a call that really had no worth what so ever 2)we still have not discussed what IM being paid -or if I even have the motherfucking job- if im going to be taking calls at 10:30 I want to at least be paid to listen to some over friendly sun warped republican yap on about the results of a bird house building competition.

My aunt suggested I go out to a bar to hear some jazz- I think she's disappointed in me for not going. Sometimes I wonder how long this is going to last before something ugly happens here. The sooner I find some employment and an apartment the better. I like my aunt and uncle, I really do, I always have, they are completely different from me, but their good people- but there are little things that make me nervous, like uncomfortable conversations about past family incidents with each of us trying to side step our way around the issues. And why the fuck cant I just stay in and watch a movie (no matter how bad it is)-this is just being realistic on my part, if I go out to a bar by myself im going to get sad, and then very pissed off about life and then ill start drinking, and then ill get even more upset.

Another side story: I got to drive by San Quentin prison on Friday. I got really excited by this- I think my aunt thought this was strange- I tried to explain the whole "Johnny Cash played there, I have the album, I listen to it all the time", I don't think it helped. I also got to see some of Grace Slick's art in a Gallery- Gaudy bright pictures of Janis Joplin and scenes from Alice and Wonderland selling for over 10 grand.

Perspective: Im really trying to stay positive. For the most part I've been successful- but I wish some people would just be a bit more understanding of the fact that starting my life again for total scratch out here inst easy no matter how pretty it is.

en la lucha,
z